Do you and your ex need help settling your separation? A family mediator is a neutral person who can give you both information and help you communicate. It’s faster, more personalized, and often less expensive than going to court. Learn more about the ways mediation can help, how to find a mediator, and how to prepare for mediation.
|
This article in short:
|
|
Important! Generally, ex-couples in a parental union or civil union must try mediation before asking a judge to settle their separation. But you don’t have to do this if you’re experiencing family or intimate partner violence. |
Why choose family mediation?
In mediation, you and your ex get the space and time to express what’s important for you and your children. At the end of the process, you’ll work together to choose the solutions that best meet your needs and the needs of your children.
During your mediation sessions, the mediator will help you communicate and listen to each other. In particular, the mediator will help you:
- express and understand each other’s needs,
- consider your children’s needs,
- identify issues to settle,
- find common goals,
- explore possible solutions, and
- choose solutions adapted to your needs and to your children’s needs.
The mediator won’t choose solutions for you and won’t give you legal advice. But the mediator will give you legal information to help you find solutions that meet your needs and follow the law. The mediator will also share ideas for different family arrangements used by other ex-couples in similar situations.
Generally, mediation is less expensive than going to court. You can get up to five free hours of family mediation, paid for by the government. After those free hours, you and your ex can share the cost.
Generally, mediation is confidential. In general, what is said, written down or done in mediation can’t be shared with the court. This applies to the mediator, but also to you and your ex. But there are exceptions. For example, you and your ex can agree to share some information from mediation with the court. Also, your mediator is required to share any information suggesting there’s a real danger to someone’s security or life.
Your mediator is responsible for ensuring that mediation is safe for both of you. Before beginning, you can ask them to evaluate whether mediation is appropriate for you. Your mediator can propose solutions to adapt the mediation process. Your mediator can also refer you to another legal process more adapted to your situation, like going to court or trying collaborative law.
How can you find a family mediator?
Interested in family mediation? You and your ex will have to choose a mediator together. Your family mediator must be certified. Certified family mediators complete training allowing them to help people settle their separations.
To find a certified family mediator, use the online search tool of the Association des médiateurs familiaux du Québec (Quebec family mediators association) (French only), or the Quebec government search tool. You can also contact your local courthouse.
Be sure to choose a mediator who participates in the government mediation program to get your free hours of mediation. Use the advanced search tool (“recherche avancée”) on the Quebec family mediators association website, and select yes (“oui”) under the question, “Do you accept government funding?” (“Acceptez-vous les subventions?”).
|
Did you know? Certified family mediators don’t have to be lawyers or notaries. Psychologists, social workers, couples’ therapists, psychoeducators and guidance counsellors can also be certified family mediators. |
Prepare for mediation
Have you and your ex found a family mediator and checked that mediation is right for you? If so, here are some ways to prepare for mediation.
If you don’t have dependent children together
This article explains the different stages of mediation. Read it to know what to expect during mediation.
Prepare a financial statement
A financial statement is information about the state of your finances and the property you owned on the date you separated from your ex (the “date of reference”). To prepare your statement, you can create a list of your personal property and a list of the property you own with your ex, including the property value, and provide information on the state of your personal finances, as well as your finances as a couple.
Your mediator will ensure that you and your ex have all the financial information necessary to negotiate. The mediator will also check that this information is calculated using the correct date of reference.
Your mediator can help you get the necessary financial information. For example, the mediator can apply for a simulated partition of employment earnings if you and your ex participate in the Quebec Pension Plan.
Think about what’s important to you and get ready to propose solutions
Think about what’s important for you and your children, if you have them.
Here are some questions that can help you identify your needs and the needs of your children. For example:
- What should you do with your family home?
- How should you share custody of your children?
- How should you make important decisions about your children?
- How should you share expenses related to your children’s needs?
- How should you share property that you own together?
For all the issues that are important to you, you can propose realistic solutions that meet your needs.
Gather important documents
Find and gather documents that will be helpful for mediation. This can include your tax papers, your children’s school documents, and receipts for items purchased for the couple.
You can send copies to your ex or bring them to the mediation session.
Consult a lawyer
You don’t have to consult a lawyer before starting family mediation. But a lawyer can answer questions and help you better understand your rights and obligations. A lawyer can also help you find possible solutions. Several different organizations offer free or low-cost consultations with lawyers.