Separating by Agreement

Separation is often a difficult time, not only emotionally, but also in practical and legal terms. Exes can work together to decide on issues related to their separation and find solutions that work best for each of them. That’s what separation by agreement is. 

Separation by Agreement 

A separation by agreement lets a couple work together to find solutions adapted to their reality. Exes can decide how they want to divide their assets, plan child custody, share daily expenses and ensure each other’s financial stability.  

Separation by agreement offers many benefits:  

• it reduces costs, 
• it makes settling the separation faster,  
• It keeps a calmer climate, 
• It allows exes to stay in control of their separation, since they make decisions together instead of being ordered by a court. 

Who can separate by agreement? 

Any couple can decide to separate by agreement, whether they’re married, in a civil union, in a parental union or in a common-law union. However, separation by agreement is not recommended if there was domestic, psychological or sexual violence between the exes.  

Different ways to separate by agreement 

There are many ways to separate by agreement: family mediation, conciliation, direct dialogue or collaborative law. 

Family mediation 

During familial mediation, an impartial person helps exes communicate and find a common ground. Couples are eligible to up to five hours of free family mediation to settle their separation. 

Couples in a civil union or in a parental union must try mediation before going to court.  

The mediator can first check whether mediation is safe for the couple. The goal of this step, also known as «screening», is to evaluate the risks of violence and to adapt the process accordingly. 

Conciliation with a judge 

Couples in a civil union or a parental union can choose to participate in a conciliation meeting. 

Conciliation is a confidential meeting with a judge of the Unified Family Tribunal, whose role is to bring the exes’ point of views closer together. Exes who reach an agreement can ask the judge to approve it right away.  

Direct dialogue 

Some couples are able to talk things through during their separation, without needing someone else to intervene. This can make the separation easier, but it only works if the couple is able to communicate in a respectful way.  

Even if you have a verbal agreement, it’s usually better to put your agreement in writing. A written document reduces the chance of misunderstandings, serves as a reference in case there’s a conflict later and helps protect each person’s rights. 

If you sign this agreement, you and your ex must follow it. A signed agreement has the same legal value as a contract. If you and your ex don’t sign the agreement, you don’t have to follow it.  

Before signing the agreement, it can be useful to ask a lawyer or notary to review it. This step is even more important if one of the exes is vulnerable, for example if there’s financial dependency, isolation or difficulty understanding the language.  A lawyer or notary can also make sure that:  

• you understand better your rights and obligations,  
• decisions related to property, money or child custody follow the rules, 
• the proposed financial compensation, if any, is reasonable, 
• there is no missing information that could create conflicts later on. 

Once the agreement is signed, you can ask the court to make it official. That’s what we call “application for homologation.” The judge will make sure that the agreement follows the law, that each ex agrees with its content and that it’s in the children’s best interests, if you have any.  

Once your agreement is homologated, it has the same legal force as a court judgement and must be followed. If a problem happens, it’s easier to force someone to follow the agreement if it’s homologated.  

Collaborative law 

Collaborative law is another way to separate by agreement. In this case, each person has their own lawyer or notary, but they’re all working together in a spirit of collaboration.  

Lawyers can give legal advice to their clients and answer their questions while finding solutions that are fair to the exes.  

With collaborative law, lawyers agree to not go to court and to find fair solutions. People who want to avoid conflicts and who want to be well accompanied often like this option.  

No agreement 

Sometimes you can’t reach an agreement despite your best efforts. When that’s the case, you can go to court. The court you may go to will depend on your type of union. 

However, you can always pause court proceedings to try to talk, go back to mediation or find an agreement.